Day 19: Reflection

Sometimes it is really hard for us to get down on ourselves. I know that is the case for me especially. I spend a lot of time trying to convince myself that I don't care what other people think. Although that's true, it's also a lie as well. I could care less about what strangers think about me but the people who I care about most also carry a lot of weight in my life. One little disagreement or any type of tension and my day or week is automatically ruined. I start second guessing everything about myself from my looks to my character. I don't know about you guys but once I get one little thought in my mind it begins to consume me and everything that I do.

If there's anything that I've learned while here in Italy is that you have to be your own rock. Although I have amazing roommates and other friends that I've met here, it's still difficult to be able to open up about my true emotions. I can barely even do that with people that I have known my entire life. When my mother or best friends aren't just a phone call away, I've had to learn how to cope on my own. Thanks to the never reliable wifi here, instead of escaping into a movie or TV show like I usually do when I'm feeling down, I have to sit here and face my problems head on. And it's hard. However, nothing is ever impossible.

I am far from mastering the elusive art of being confident in everything about myself. But what comforts me is the fact that no one is 100% confident in their looks, their personality, their relationships, work, or anything else. It's a part of life to doubt oneself. It's only when you let those fears and doubts hold you back or change your outlook on life that it becomes a problem. You have to cry, scream, punch a punching bag or whatever it is that you do to get rid of all of the immediate tension and frustrations and then move on. Get to the root of your issue and work on that.

Whatever you do, do it yourself. Yes it's nice to confide in people sometimes but don't let other people solve your problems. The only person who knows what's good for you is you, whether you immediately realize it or not. And when you're in situations where you have no one to confide in, if you're used to always having someone the results can be disastrous. If you're accustomed to doing some reflecting and inner problem solving on your own, there's nothing you can't accomplish or get over.

I don't know if I'm even making sense right now. This was just really heavy on my homesick heart today. I also didn't do much of anything so I had no real substance to blog about. No matter, I hope that this helps someone or inspires someone to get over a road block and keep pushing forward.

Smooches,
The College Natural